Day 13 LockDown

8 April 2020

1749 cases
Recovered: 45
Deceased: 13

The thirteenth day of Lockdown in South Africa. Let’s take a look at Facebook trends from Day 1:
Day 1 – Cooking a full roast with trimmings for lunch with the kids. Because time. Just fabulous. Family happy. Loving Cyril. Support crowdfunding for your local restaurant, they’re broke.
Day 2 – Put a pause on paying the kids extramural activities. They’re at home. Obviously.
Day 3 – Must forward every cybervirus-ridden “send to ten friends” sparkly GIF in Messenger. All for a good cause, you know. Support crowdfunding for your local restaurant, they’re broke.
Day 4 – Set up dining room table for homeschooling. Replace half the sideboard content with stationery. This took up most of the day. Take a break, pour a gin (from that bottle I made at the craft gin school)
Day5 – #SoBlessed – me and two neighbours sang Nkosi Sikelel’ iAfrika for the frontline workers from our front lawns. Had a Zoom meeting with all my colleagues. Noticed Sarah from accounts wasn’t there. Support crowdfunding for your local restaurant, they’re broke.
Day 6 – Dust off the treadmill and set it up in front of the tv. Find some old Jane Fonda training clips on Youtube. Give up after 5 mins, will tackle this again tomorrow. Or not.
Day 7 – Sarah from accounts sent an email, we’ve all been retrenched. No salaries for March. Not sure how companies didn’t plan for salaries in March. No Zoom meeting today. Banged some pots out the top window for Paramedics. Support crowdfunding for your local restaurant, they’re broke – for those ungrateful sods not sending them money, don’t you KNOW restaurants only have salaries for one day at a time. (Hey, there’s a lovely song we can sing to doctors.)
Day 8 – What is up with the 5G and Covid19? Read the news online, get depressed, pour a gin (see the bottle is getting low, why didn’t I make another one while I was there?)
Day 9 – I’m NOT paying school fees this month. If I have to home school these little feckers, I’m spending the money on online shopping. Zoom meeting at 10. Support crowdfunding for your local restaurant, they’re broke.
Day 10 – Can’t believe I married this man 30 years ago. He keeps clicking his pen and I have ONE nerve left. Using HIS money to support my local restaurant, they’re broke. Banged pots for first responders and because it drowns the sound of husband’s clicking.
Day 11 – If we don’t go back to work now, the economy will never recover. Yes, I know people may die if we open up businesses right now, but what about the economy? Zoom whinge at 10. Easter is coming. No feckin’ eggs. Because I supported my local restaurant, because they’re broke.
Day 12 – We can’t buy CIGARETTES and the lockdown may go on LONGER? WTAF, Cyril?? Cele is a lulubat. Have suspended both kids from school for fighting; teacher is drunk; husband ticked off because the last of the wine, gin, whiskey and vodka was used to make a special reduction for left-over chicken breasts. Ahh, feckit – he cross because I drank everything. It’s all gone. Wish my local restaurant wasn’t broke and could deliver wine.
Day 13 – The little feckers are finally on holiday and home schooling can stop. YES, they can count to seven now. Zoom meeting at 9.30 and no wig to cover pillow hair. Feckit, I don’t care. Banged pots last night for Sarah from accounts. Cow. Having to seek a scuzzy dealer for a pack of cigarettes, willing to pay top dollar or swop Volvo for a carton. Husband Googling “online divorce”. Sang “Drop Kick Me Jesus Through The Goalposts of Life” for all those in lockdown with a family they didn’t realise was this obstreperous. Saw owner of local restaurant. Fecker is moving to his new home in Kalk Bay as soon as this lockdown is over. Sarah from accounts looked FABULOUS in Zoom meeting on her new R27 000 Apple Macbook Air 1.6GHz 256GB Gold 2019. Dear GOD can we go back to higher crime rates and no virus??

I can’t take credit for writing this – I copied most of it from a friend’s wall (Dianne Bayley) and just added days where she skipped some (and fixed and added a bit here and there). But yes, this is a pretty accurate overview of the last 13 days. Let’s see how it goes from here.