3 465 cases
Recovered: 903
Deceased: 58

I missed a day somewhere, and it is very difficult to sort this out – I thought I could write the blog in retrospect, but my brain doesn’t want to cooperate. I just cannot remember where I am, what is going on and even make sense of anything. This fogginess is more than just mombrain – I’ve never felt this powerless in any situation.

This day started with an absolute wobbler. My brother called, my mother is admitted to hospital. She is in a coma, has been since yesterday. He also said the hospital told him my mother has very advanced and aggressive cancer. I immediately called the hospital – this was fairly early, and up to now I’ve had no feedback (it is mid-afternoon). I’ve spoken to several staff members, and at one point one of the Ward Sisters put the phone down in my ear when I said I couldn’t understand her, she had to speak up, and a bit slower. I am now waiting for the hospital administrator to call me back, which was going to be in half an hour – 5 hours ago.

I just can’t think straight. We haven’t spoken in years, and in December I decided that everyone should just move on, my children should at least get to know all their family. We drove to Queenstown for a visit, which went surprisingly well, and my mother and her husband were going to visit us over the Easter holidays. I had booked their travel tickets, all was arranged, and then the virus travel ban happened.

Meanwhile, Zac is also still in hospital, at least locally. His condition seems to have stabilised, although the doctor tell us that he is very ill and they need to keep a close eye on him. At least the medical staff at his hospital shares whatever information they have, telephonically.

Update: spoke to someone at the hospital with a very very long title, who could tell me yes, my mother is at the hospital, but she is not allowed to convey any information over the phone. I explained that I am an 8 hour drive away, in a country where we are currently experiencing a travel ban due to being on lockdown. I managed to explain this calmly and rationally, because seriously?

My personal doctor has now called them to just try and get some information. She still did not get much, but what she did manage to find out is that the cancer was diagnosed a long time ago. My brother does not know about this, and neither did I. Why would my mother not tell us about this?

No matter what happens, family is family. My mother wasn’t the best mother, she was very abusive and I was removed from her care as a child. It taught me many lessons, and I firmly believe it made me a stronger person, more compassionate and a better mother to my own children. She has never been demonstrative, even with our recent December visit, it was tough for her to hug back when my twins ran up to her and gave her a hug. I cannot ever remember her touching me with affection. But now, with her helpless in hospital, I am overwhelmed by how much I just want to be there for her. She is my mother after all.

3300 cases
Recovered: 903
Deceased: 58

It is amazing how priorities change due to Covid-19. This funny little chart is a fairly accurate indicator of where we are in our world. Car? What’s that? And never before have I completely appreciated the value of a decent pair of really comfortable pants. I’ve become fairly attached to three pairs, and wear them consecutively.

So, as I am sitting here at my desk, in my home office, fending off my twins, my dogs and my cats so that I can just get a little bit of constructive work done, in one of my pairs of comfy pants, I realise that I skipped a day of writing my blog. I think with all the stress with the husband in hospital, the twins acting up and trying to remember where in the week I am with regards to my office work, my brain decided that it needed some very necessary time out. I do think though that it is a good thing to be a day behind, as it allows me to share an overview of the whole day, and not just a section of it.

I wanted to call Discovery South Africa today to have a word with them after one of their consultants called me this morning regarding our medical claim for my husband’s hospitalisation. They really just want to be sure that I am apparently aware that my husband needs to understand that he can only be paid out if he allows doctors that are registered with Discovery and charges according to the scheme rate to see him while he is in hospital. Dear Discovery SA, my husband doesn’t know whether he is coming or going, and he is in a lot of pain and high on morphine. He is barely awake, and in high care. I doubt he knows or cares or is even alert enough to just say before a doctor/specialist/medical person works on him: “Hey there, stop what you are doing. First show me your registration documents and your charges list with regards to Discovery.” I shared my opinion with said consultant with regards to the entire idiotic conversation, and reminded him that none of us are allowed near the hospital, and it is impossible to get anything done via telephone because the medical staff is not always available. It feels to me that these people do not live in the same country as us at the moment.

Our Rand dropped to R19 to the Dollar again today for the third time this month – it just-just started to recover, then our status got downgraded as a country to beyond junk, and our repo rate dropped again. It’s looking a bit better now at R18.84, but online articles from economists are not looking positive. It makes it difficult to make decisions about what to do when our country’s economy is under threat.

We are catapulting towards another month-end at a very high speed. My heart breaks for all the people contacting me looking for work. It is my priority to just be able to look after the people we have right now. We sorted out payroll today again for April so that we are ready. We paid our nanny in full, obviously, for March and again for April. Her response? She was upset because we didn’t also give her her transport money. I cannot understand it at all. There is no transport at the moment, because she moved in with us, into my guest room. I was so glad this month because I could save a bit with the transport money not being necessary, yet it seems that she is upset because she still wants it. I’m doing my best to see how to sort this out in a way that means happiness all round. Evelyn is important to all of us – she’s family.

We’ll survive this, we’ve survived more. And what’s even better, if we just get our mindsets right, we might just thrive.

3158 cases
Recovered: 903
Deceased: 54

Today was really a tough day for me, in many ways. I have only left the house twice since lockdown was implemented, and both times was an interesting challenge, as I had a bad fall earlier in the year and injured my right knee and ankle. It happens to be the leg I need to drive. I tried getting around with a moonboot, and our team leader drove me around for a couple of days, but we found it was problematic with both of us out of the office. My head of admin lent me a pair of crutches, but I never quite got the hang of them. So when lockdown happened, my husband was our link to shopping. Most online grocery shopping is backed up, and when the orders arrive, they are incomplete. Now with him in hospital, we have to man up.

I left it to the absolute last minute, but we really needed essentials today. I couldn’t drive AND go to the shop, so Evelyn came along, which meant the twins had to come along as well. All masked up, we sat outside in the car. We ended up visiting two shops to get about 70% of what we needed. Some stuff just can’t be found anywhere. And now, I am dealing with an ankle that is letting me know in various ways that it is not best pleased with the outing today.

My husband’s diagnosis is pancreatitis. He is, according to the ward sister, still in a lot of pain, and hardly awake due to the pain medication he is being given via IV. It is impossible to know when he will be discharged, as his condition seems to have stabilised, but he is still in intensive care. This whole situation is just impossible. My in-laws are in an absolute state, and they are trying to understand how he managed to get this ill before any of us even noticed anything. It is hard that he cannot have any visitors, and my heart goes out to him all alone in the hospital.

3034 cases
Recovered: 903
Deceased: 50

My husband is still hospitalised, in intensive care at the George Mediclinic. He has something wrong with his pancreas. Pancreatic inflammation or something like that. The medical staff on the ward are also waiting for more blood test results to make a definitive call. None of us are allowed to go near the hospital. He is not allowed to have a phone with him. I tried to call the hospital only twice today, but we are very worried, of course. The twins doesn’t know that he is sick. There is no simple way to explain it to them, and when we know more, we’ll tell them. They are pretty used to him working away, so there are no questions to field.

I have so much respect for our frontline medical teams right now, in the midst of Covid-19. They not only have to carry on with their normal workload, which is hectic as it is, they also have to deal with this virus on top of everything else. The nurse I spoke to today was calm, professional and helpful. My husband is in good hands.

Whatever dreams I had of being a full-time homeschool mom has disappeared like wispy mists before a blazing morning sun. I am not that mom. I do not have the patience, the knowledge, the resources or the skills to teach very busy toddlers. I am frustrated by my twins – much as I love them, I have zero personal space, and I have nowhere to go for a little peace and a few minutes on my own. Even my trips to the bathroom has an audience and a running commentary on every action. Alice: “Why is mommy taking such a little bit of toilet paper?” James, with all the wisdom in the world: “Mommy is not pooping, Alice, she is having a wee.”

2783 cases
Recovered: 903
Deceased: 50

It’s already after midnight, so I suppose this is technically the 18th, but that will be its own blog post, so here goes.

2506 cases
Recovered: 410
Deceased: 34

Today was supposed to be our last day of lockdown. Enough said about that.

Today’s figures are the same as yesterday. What is going on? Are there no updated stats, or are there no new cases? It is frustrating to not know.

Got very little work done today. My left hand is so swollen, it looks as if I took a left hook at Mike Tyson’s jaw, and it came third. I think it is all the hours spent behind a keyboard. Usually I am up and running around, I don’t really sit down and type at a desk anymore as much during the day.

My sweet little boy is sitting sleeping on my lap as I type this. He just had a bath – it is just after 4pm in the afternoon, and the twins had a ball playing outside. My neighbours, dealing with the noise, probably not so much. But I cannot keep them in all the time. He just wandered into my office and asked if he could sleep on my lap, and when I picked him up, it was lights out.

I so love these moments with my babies. I can see them growing up and becoming more independent. They actually don’t want help with little tasks anymore, and they want to prove to me that they are my “big children”.

Another great day in the kitchen – my first no-bake milktart. And it was a winner! I feel all Martha Steward-y, I just really need an apron – not for the looks, but who knew that flour would just get in everywhere? And I mean, EVERYWHERE. Last night I had to scrub wet flour out from under my boobs. Not fun – nobody tells you that when you start raising havoc in your kitchen with ingredients and stuff.

The call was made on alcohol and cigarettes – with the ban extended. The outcry from all and sundry is vocal and everywhere online. Me, I honestly cannot be bothered. My biggest fear is that the conspiracists are correct with regards to lockdown extending towards the end of the year and food supplies running low. I am unable to grow succulents, for crying out loud. How on earth am I going to maintain a vegetable garden to feed us? I knew I should have bought some chickens before all this started.

2506 cases
Recovered: 410
Deceased: 34

Today I am knocked for a 6. The whole day was centered around The Trump’s withdrawal of US funding for the WHO (which amounted to about $400 million last year – funds badly needed right now), and The Trump’s committee of covidiots (his so-called expert doctors and expert businessmen who is helping decide to re-open the US completely). Fortunately it seems as if some of his “absolute decision-making power” is curtailed, as he high-tailed it back from his stance on “I make the call” to “No guys, it is in the hands of the state governors”.

We breached the 2500 count today, with 34 people deceased. Still there are people criticising our government’s decision on lockdown. It is early days to tell whether our early lockdown has had an impact on our infection numbers, but yet it does seem as if the curve is flatter on the SA stats. Is this due to lower infection numbers, or not enough tests yet? Too early to tell.

We have winter on the way, and soon. Our medical teams are racing against the clock to contain the virus as much as possible. It thrives in colder temperatures, and this winter might be our undoing.

Professor Salim Abdool Karim, the chair of the Ministerial Advisory Group, did a full presentation which was shared by the media. This is insightful, and scary. The part I found that summed everything up for me was this:

By 18th April, will know if community transmission interpretation accurate (~67 cases/day; CI: 45 – 89)

Epidemiological (Ro ) criterion for lockdown – if average daily cases (- active screening) from 10 – 16 April is: • 90+, then continue lockdown • 45 – 89 AND CHW rate is >0.1% then continue lockdown • 45 – 89 AND CHW rate is <0.1% then ease lockdown • < 44, then ease lockdown

Right now, I try my best not to worry. In 1948 Dale Carnegie wrote a book: How To Stop Worrying and Start Living. Every word of this book is as applicable today as it was back then. I read this book first in my twenties, and make an effort to reread it at least once a year. I found a little YouTube video illustrating some of the points. This might be helpful to someone who doesn’t enjoy reading as much.

Daily reminder: I can do absolutely nothing about Covid-19. I can do nothing about how it affects our community, our town, our businesses, our country, our world. I can do nothing about the people out there who still go about as if this is nothing serious at all. I can do something about how I react, and today I choose to not react with fear. I react with hope. It is hard, and it is a choice, but hope it is.

2415 cases
Recovered: 410
Deceased: 27

There is a school of thought that claims it takes 10 000 hours to master a new skill. And this obviously, is 10 000 hours of deliberate practice. The 10,000 Hour Rule is closely associated with writer Malcolm Gladwell, but a new Princeton study smashes this theory. In a meta-analysis of 88 studies on deliberate practice, the researchers found that practice accounted for just a 12% difference in performance in various domains.

This Princeton study argument roughly goes that deliberate practice is only a predictor of success in fields that have super stable structures. For example, in tennis, chess, and classical music, the rules never change, so you can study up to become the best. But in less stable fields, like entrepreneurship and rock and roll, rules can go out the window.

I like the fact that entrepreneurship is thrown in with rock&roll. That’s my jam right there. I am an entrepreneur. I have never been without an idea, or a solution, or some kind of business venture. Have they all worked? Erm no. But that is not the point. Trying and failing forward – that is my motto right there. I am a bit of a jack of all trades – I can really do a lot of stuff. I may not have mastered any skill, but I am pretty good at many of them. And that is ok.

But… I don’t think my mind has ever worked so much. If I need 10 000 hours to become the world’s best thinker, I am busy nailing it. But I just cannot think of a way for all of us out of this predicament, everything intact, no jobs lost. I feel a collective responsibility for so many people that I know. I need to make peace with the fact that right now, there is absolutely nothing I can do to help them.

To everything there is a season. This is actually a verse from the Bible, Ecclesiastes 3:1. A song from the 60s by The Byrds, Turn Turn Turn, illustrates this verse beautifully. And who would know better than what we are going through now, than the generation who survived the 60s? Now there was a tumultous time of turmoil, of war, civil rights protests, assassinations, insecurities and so much more. It finally ended on a good note when the first man landed on the moon. (And now those same conspiracy theorists would have us believe this was a massive gaslighting move). If it was, it was well-timed.

The season we are in right now, is a time for deliberation. We can do little else. It is a time to prepare for when this time is past. We need to relook at our lives, at the way we’ve been doing things. At the way we’re living, at the way we’re treating each other, our communities, our planet. We need to hold on to the hope that our next season is one of growth and abundance.

2173 cases
Recovered: 410
Deceased: 25

Easter Monday, also known as family day, is over. And we are approaching our third week of lockdown. For me, probably the most difficult aspect of lockdown is my children. Some days I am confident that I’ve got this, other days I berate myself for being a terrible parent.

My son is really struggling. He does not understand, at the age of four, why he is kept inside most of the time. He is always busy and on the move. He has become really aggressive towards our dogs and he hurts them. Nothing I am doing seems to help for this. I understand that he is frustrated, and he doesn’t know how to deal with all his feelings, but I am exhausted of running after him and my dogs to make sure nothing happens.

My daughter seems to take all of this in her stride. She is a gentle soul, and pretty much follows me everywhere I go. I think she is also struggling, obviously – this is hard on them, but she does seem to handle the whole situation much better.

This morning I started our day with a homeschool lesson. My son has literally zero attention span. He is bouncing all over the place, and wants to jump three steps ahead from where we are. Plus, I am definitely allergic to this craft glue. Non-toxic my arse. My eyes are still watering and I cannot stop sneezing – the rest of the lesson will have to wait until my tablets or a natural resistance have kicked in. Or no more lessons involving glue. Maybe the teachers use this glue as a hidden coping mechanism. No wonder they all look so bloody happy all the time.

For some reason I managed to get myself embroiled in a Facebook debate today. Never ever do that. Ever. There is no convincing the stupid of facts. In fact, Mark Twain got it right: ‘Never argue with stupid people, they will drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience’. What about, you might ask. Well, see, there’s still this egg challenge on Facebook involving sugar, a raw egg and a shot of alcohol. There was a very judgemental post about all the eggs rather feeding people than being consumed as part of a challenge, and of course, I rose to that challenge right away. There is just so much stress out there right now – a little light-hearted banter around raw eggs won’t solve world hunger, but it made a number of people feel better. And quite frankly, I am all for anything right now that will make people feel better.

One of my favourite movies from the early 1990’s is Groundhog Day. It starts Bill Murray in his prime, wooing a pretty and bright Andie McDowell. He somehow triggers a loop, and is forced to relive the same day over and over and over and over. You get the picture. Nothing he does changes the fact that he wakes up, every morning, at the stroke of 6am, to the tune of “I Got You, Babe.” Eventually he stops fighting and embraces the opportunity to learn and change, and he becomes quite accomplished at several skills, also growing as a person substantially. His lesson, which is also our lesson: If you cannot change your circumstances, you’ve got to change yourself. Does he get the girl and escape the loop? You’ll have to watch the movie for that – no spoilers here. It’s worth it, you can thank me later.

In some ways lockdown reminds me of Groundhog Day. There are again rumours that lockdown might be extended. Online there are the same opinions, every day, reiterated by the same people. Currently, I believe The Trump says quinine is a great treatment for Covid-19. I knew I should have stocked up on more G&T for my bar. Quinine! Who knew? The online conspiracists are vocal and very very opinionated. And it is so scary that so many sane people can believe such amazing theories.

My daily reliving is the same. Get up, psych myself up to coping level, remind myself I really have loads of people depending on me just being able to do my job. Remind myself there is absolutely nothing I can do about what is going on in the world right now. Be the best version of myself that I am able to be, today. Learn the lesson again: If I cannot change my circumstances, I’ve got to change myself.

12 April 2020

2173 cases
Recovered: 410
Deceased: 25

I am an avid reader. As in I read pretty much everything that crosses my path. My gift to myself when we moved into our current home, was the library I always wanted. My books finally found a home. And now that library is part of our salvation during this lockdown. The twins and myself spend many happy hours there with mostly their favourite books, but it is what it is.