Day 16 LockDown
11 April 2020
1934 cases
Recovered: 410 (not sure if this number is accurate)
Deceased: 24
I found this circle diagram online, and it immediately resonated with me. One of the reasons I studied psychology, eventually NLP and became a lifecoach, is because I firmly believe that our reality is based on choice. The way we perceive the world around us, the “lens” through which we choose to view the world, ultimately determine our experience and our outcomes.
For instance, I read an interesting illustration that might explain this all better. There’s an old story about two boys who had a father who was an alcoholic. They grew into young men. One son became an alcoholic. “What choice do I have?” he said. “My father is an alcoholic.” The other son never touched a drop of alcohol. “How could I?” he said. “Look what it did to my father.”
There is probably a number of lessons that can be learnt from this simple and effective story, but the one that stands out for me is that we all have the power to choose. We may not always be able to control what happens around us, but it is up to us as individuals to choose how it affects us and how we respond. We can’t control the circumstances, but we have total and complete control over our reaction.
I am an adoptive mom of the most amazing twins. I cannot imagine my life without them. Yet, roughly 6-7 years ago I was in the clutches of a very dark depression. I had three miscarriages, and a friend whose support I badly needed at the time, chose to rather leave my employ, take over a number of our clients and open direct opposition to our business, and financially we were in trouble. There was a time when I could not even muster the will to get out of bed in the mornings. There was just no point. The black dog was my constant companion, and it cast a shadow over everything I wanted to do. I eventually accepted a job with a national corporate to help our company survive, just for another friend for whom I organised a position with the same company to aim for my position and cause me to lose this job. Just a year before all this, I was in Egypt, completing my Master NLP qualification. Newly qualified, I felt that I was supposed to “know it all” and set an example. There was this constant nagging little inner voice berating me all the time for just not being able to drag myself up by the bootstraps and snap out of this. I had all the knowledge, just not the ability.
It took time. A lot of time, a lot of healing, and constant persistent daily choices of how I was going to act or respond. Some days were really bad, some were better. I grieved for my miscarried babies, for lost friends, for unexpected betrayals, for our limping marriage, for our crippled company. This journey is different for every person. And it is really important that we always remember this. No matter what your journey is, or where you are in your life, no two people walk the same road. Just because I am able to function and run a business in the middle of my tsunami, doesn’t mean another person with the same circumstances, is able to. Even my “ability to function” is questionable sometimes – there are still some days that I find it hard to motivate myself. In my case, I have a self-motivation centered around the good old carrot and stick. If I achieve my goals that I am supposed to, I can reward myself. If not, I take away a reward. It also helps in a way that I have so many people and their families dependent on me. If I don’t do what I am supposed to, it impacts so many more people than just my little family.
Now, with Covid19, and everything that is happening in the world around us, it is even more important to take ownership for our actions and our reactions. Fear is our enemy, it always is. It causes behaviour like selfishness, hoarding, spreading misinformation, acting like a victim and looking where to place the blame. However, it is also dangerous to create a space of guilt, where one causes other people who are in a different space to feel that they are not good enough, or not coping enough. It is so unnecessary and hurtful to say things like, “But I am in the same situation, and look at all that I can do, why can’t you?” It is imperative that we realise every single person in the world right now is doing their utmost every day just to do what they can. People have different coping mechanisms and different reactions. Let’s leave each other be, support where we can, be understanding and share as much care and love as we are able to, if we are able.
Today, and every day, the best tool that I can offer you is gratitude. Gratitude in the face of adversity is so awfully hard, but it is a tool that really works to get an altered mindset, and more specifically, a more positive mindset. I have a gratitude diary, and every day, I try to write 3 – 5 new things that I am grateful for. This is not a guideline. If you cannot write something every day, don’t.
Affirmations and gratitude goes hand in hand, but I personally find that most affirmations tend to backfire. For instance, try and tell yourself in a mirror how wealthy you are, and hear that sabotaging inner voice laughing at you snarkily. Unless you are wealthy, and then good for you. The only affirmation that I find works for me, and works believably well, is Emile Coue’s “Every day in every way I am getting better and better.” Take that, snarky inner voice! Not much you can say about that! Because after all, it is up to me how I get better, and in what way, every day. My choice, my ownership, my responsibility.
faikonta 