Day 4 LockDown

30 March 2020

1280 cases
Recovered: 31
Deceased: 2

I find myself musing who came up with the term “lockdown”. It is a word I have never come across before that I know of, and I read fairly extensively. It feels strange to look out of the windows of our home and know that we cannot just go outside of our property. When I try to visualise the word “lockdown” I see a huge padlock and a chain, across our doors, our windows, our gates.

The world is holding its breath collectively, with everything set on pause. To me, it feels as if I am wading through molasses, unable to move quickly. My movements are languid, calculated, constrained. I am asked questions online, and I cannot come up with answers that make sense to me.

Yesterday Thomas Schaefer, the finance minister of Germany’s Hesse state, committed suicide. Apparently after he became “deeply worried” over how to cope with the economic fallout from the coronavirus. My heart breaks for him and every other person who has to deal with so much worry right now.

I find myself increasingly worrying about people who are alone during this time. I also worry about people unable to shop for themselves for essentials. The delivery services are overloaded, with some food services only able to deliver in about a week, and even more. What about people who do not have money for food, or who just cannot get to a store at all? I created a whatsapp group for people who joined who needs someone to chat to or to just check in.

Today I ventured out for the first time since we were asked to stay at home. It was not an easy decision, as my son has a compromised immune system, and I dread bringing anything home that causes harm to my children. We needed fresh fruit and vegetables, some milk and a couple more items. Doesn’t seem like much, but we really needed it, and for love or money I couldn’t find someone who could deliver to us.

Obviously we’ve been trying to explain what Covid-19 is to the twins, because they needed to understand why they cannot go to school, visit their friends, or go out. My son started crying this morning when I waved a cheery goodbye, convinced I was going to die. I was wearing my (what I thought was compulsory when we go to the grocery store) face mask, and we put clean clothes and sanitiser by the front door for when I got back. The new normal… It took a while to calm him down and tell him people are not dying, they are just sick, and I don’t want the germs to come home with me. I couldn’t remember which side of the face mask goes where, but eventually just put it on, and then realised how hot it gets when worn. So all sweaty-faced (but at least masked) I set out.

Up to when I got to the store, the streets were fairly quiet. At the store, though, it was as if everything was back to normal. Very few people wore masks, and the recommended 1m distance between customers was completely disregarded. Yellow lines at the cash registers served as a distance guide. Although there were people complaining about price hikes online with photos of products and prices, at this store prices seemed pretty normal to me, the only “strange” was that there were complete shelves stripped bare. Especially in the cold meats, frozen veg and baking sections. And the deli section for precooked meals was not operational, and no cold meats sliced on demand. There was no sign of cordoned off aisles with so-called prohibited goods. I got most of what we needed, could not find spaghetti anywhere and apparently yeast is currently worth its weight in gold and as unobtainable as the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.

Back home, changed clothes at front door, sanitised everything, at my desk trying to work. What will this first full week of lockdown bring? I choose to be positive – we are doing out best, and that is all we can do.

Day 3 LockDown

29 March 2020

1187 cases
Recovered: no new figures yet
Deceased: 1(Western Cape) no new figures yet

Started the day cautiously optimistic, with today only 17 cases more than yesterday in our country. Only to read that it is not a true reflection of infection, it is only an indication of the numbers that were ready for reporting.

Everywhere online, businesses are begging for continued support, to keep the payment chain going and prevent economic collapse. To prevent staff layoffs and further unemployment. Further disruption of our lives and our future. Quietly, I echo their pleas and hope for the best, thinking of ways that we can continue existing for the sake of the people who work for us and their families.

There is so much good being written about. Neighbours waving and shouting encouragement to each other across the streets, the 7pm initiative where we all walk out of our front doors and clap for our services sector, our medical personnel, our emergency employees. Every person on the frontline exposing themselves so that we can stay home and be protected. People leaving tinned food out on dustbin or refuse collection day to share.

There is so much negativity on the other hand. Last night was Earth Hour, and we did an encouraging post on most of our clients’ social media platforms. Only to have angry comments in the line of this is the last crap people need. So much anger and frustration and lashing out at something innocent. Also still so much arrogance of the untouchables who still disobey the regulations. To what end, I wonder? Only to make all of this worse for all of us?

Life has become a BEFORE and AFTER. There was a time where I would, without a thought, quickly dash out to the shop to buy whatever we needed, be it for a meal or to fix something around the house or for a project or the office. Now it is a matter of planning around delivery times. And whether what I want to buy is actually on the list of what is allowed. There was a time where, if the kids got antsy, I would drive them to the bike park where I’d sit and read while they practiced cycling. Or we’d go for a picnic at the Botanical Gardens. Or we’d go hang at the mall or at their favourite restaurants. Now I have to think around activities for them that we can do at home. And with items we actually have. Without resorting to too much television time, because I am worried about the consequences.

The world has quieted down. There is no laughter in the streets, no cars driving close to us. I hear that elsewhere in town traffic is not really dwindling, but here in our corner, it is as if we are on an island of quiet. My children are the center of the universe that brings calm to my world. They keep me busy in so many ways that I appreciate, because otherwise my overactive mind goes places where it really doesn’t need to go.

Day 2 LockDown

28 March 2020

1170 cases
Recovered: 5
Deceased: 1(Western Cape)

Today started a bit darkly for me. I woke up well ahead of my usual time, and couldn’t see the point of getting up. Day 2, with the number two perfectly representative of how I feel.

Probably the best way to describe my general state of mind is ambivalence. These are challenging times, more so because our expenses are not stopping and we have so many people dependent on us. I am not sure how I feel about any of this. I oscillate between an optimistic and cheery: We’ve got this! to a very dark and pessimistic: We’re going to go under, lose everything and die.

It is hard to not follow the news, because I need to know what is going on so that I can make the correct decisions for my business and assist our clients. For instance yesterday government issued a gazette that boils down to every website with a domain name that ends in .za – from government portals to private blogs – must now link to the government’s main Covid-19 page on its front page. No indication on when compliance deadline is, just get it done.

Online is a bad place to be right now. There are articles about thousands of people in various areas of our country not complying. People are happily cycling, jogging, travelling, visiting, going to the beach… as if this is business as usual. Our armed forces and the police have their hands full to get people to just do the one simple thing asked of us: stay home. On the other hand there are photos and footage of streets in major cities without a single car or person in sight.

This morning I woke up to three pieces of very bad news: EdCon may have to close its doors after lockdown (Edgars, etc – all those people, without jobs), Moody’s downgraded our status as a country to junk, and our connectivity is an issue again. We have so many challenges are business owners right now, just to stay alive and kicking. It breaks my heart that so many of us are doing what we are supposed to be doing: staying put. Our businesses are hanging on by threads and we do what we can. We all want lockdown to be over and as many people as possible to be safe. Yet the sheer arrogance of a sector of our population is going to worsen everything before it gets better, and lockdown may very well be extended.

At home, my toddler twins are climbing out the walls. They’ve not known so many days indoors in their entire little lives. I’ve always made a point of outdoor activities, and spoils and picnics and roadtrips. They want to see their friends. My daughter wants to do ballet, it is all she’s been talking about for two days now. My son wants to play soccer and go cycle. After they decided to vandalise the neighbours backyard yesterday, I am reluctant to let them outside without supervision, and I have to work most of the day, so their outdoor time is shrinking. What memories will they live with because of these times?

The new norm is to wake up in the morning, kick my own behind just to get started. Sort out the twins, get to my desk, get my work done. Stay positive. Freak out on my own, so nobody sees it. Calm down our housekeeper, who moved in with us because she felt unsafe in Thembalethu, and frankly, because it is the right thing to do. Cook/bake something from scratch for our little household. Make/craft something with the twins. Check our provisions, order the necessary online. Put on mask, gloves, sanitise card machine, pay. Come back inside, wipe down groceries, pack away. Try not to incessantly stress eat all. the. time. We are going to be fine.