Successful relationships require a lot of work. As I’m writing this, I’m certainly not in the middle of a perfect relationship myself. The advice in this article is as much for me as for anyone willing to read it. I’d love some feedback from you – please feel free to comment or to add some of your own advice. This is by no means a comprehensive solution to a smooth relationship.

1. LISTEN

The most important action in any relationship is to listen. When your partner speaks, you need to really hear what he/she is saying and try to see the situation through his/her eyes. Put yourself on pause in order to really do this well. Focus on the moment and take in as much information as you can. Listen and ask questions until you feel you can see what your partner means.

2. TREAT PEOPLE THE WAY THEY WANT TO BE TREATED

The old adage of “do unto others as you would have done unto you” is really not applicable in relationships. Which means it really is not applicable at all, because we’re always in some kind of relationship with someone. Point is, we are all different and we cannot treat people the way we want to be treated. We have to care enough to learn more about the people around us and treat them the way they want to be treated.

3. PATIENCE IS A VIRTUE

It may sound trite, but patience in relationships is very important. We are all human and we make mistakes. No matter how bright you are, or how spiritual you are, we all have bad days – there is nothing wrong with this. Part of working towards a successful relationship is allowing your partner to make mistakes, and being willing to work with them on their personal growth. A relationship is a journey between two people that has no real end and is pretty much always a work in progress.

4. BE REAL

Sometimes we find that it is very common to act different with friends and loved ones than you do alone or in public. However, part of being true to ourselves is to do our best to make these versions of ourselves as consistent as possible. Just be the real you as much as possible. Find common ground with your partner that is mutually interesting. Pretending to listen and be interested is definitely not being true to yourself, and very much harmful to your relationship. Just be honest.

5. ADMIT WHEN YOU ARE WRONG

This is a difficult one. It takes a lot of courage to admit when you are wrong. Tell your partner when you recognise that you said or did something hurtful.
“I see that when I said that, it could have caused pain in you.  I am very sorry for doing that.  I am working on how I word things and making sure that I am respectful of you and your feelings.”

6. GRATITUDE

Frequently thank your partner when you see them doing things for you. A little gratitude will go a long way, and of course encourage your partner to invest more in the relationship – because it is clear that you appreciate him/her and what he/she does for you. Everybody loves being appreciated.

7. OBSERVE

Just observe your partner – sometimes it is easier to see how your partner is feeling, rather than asking them. Sometimes people are not able to communicate their feelings, and this may lead to misunderstandings and unhappiness. Don’t just ignore a potentially negative situation and hope that it will go away. Sometimes it is easier to pretend that we don’t notice our partner is unhappy because we’re not feeling good ourselves, or we are busy or just plain lazy. Rather jump in and help your partner instead of asking if they need help.

Always remember, and I’m sure I’ve said this already – your ultimate goal is to be happy with your partner. To make your partner happy and to be happy. Conflict can always be resolved – it is not necessary to be stubborn, or always “win” an argument. Holding out for a win may actually mean that you’ve lost. A little bit of humble and a whole lot of love and acceptance goes a long way. I dedicate this article to my husband, Zac Dreyer.