Not a good day at all today. I’ve gone through a rollercoaster of emotions – from anger to denial and whatever other stages there are in between. Now I just feel helpless. Usually when faced with a problem, I act as soon as possible. There is always, ALWAYS, a solution, and as a problem-solver, I will find it. For this, there is no solution.

I’ve decided to speak out about this, because I’m hoping that what happened to me can be prevented with someone else, with foreknowledge. And for me, writing about something helps me deal with it. It is my personal therapy.

After 3 miscarriages this year, my gynaecologist decided to do a procedure called a hysteroscopy, which he assured me is pretty standard. It is, as far as I understand, a little camera that internally explores one’s reproductive organs. I was a bit hesitant, because I dread hospitals, but hey – all for the sake of getting pregnant and having children.

So today I decide to call the doctor for feedback, pretty confident that all worked out well, because surely I would have heard by now if there was anything, you know, wrong. That is when I found out that everything is wrong. I have a condition called a unicornuate uterus. Apparently this is a very rare condition, and I have it.

According to this article, having a unicornuate uterus unfortunately brings a significant risk of both pregnancy loss and preterm labor, as well as ectopic pregnancy. Estimates vary by specific study, but one literature review found pregnancy outcomes in women with unicornuate uteri to be miscarriage in 37%, preterm birth in 16%, and term birth in only 45%.

I ask myself – what can I do about this? Really nothing. There is absolutely nothing that I can do. I can’t change my lifestyle, take medication or go for another operation.

But what I could have done, is that I could have explored further for reasons as to why I had my first miscarriage. I did every blood test on planet earth, and there was no reason at all according to the Pathcare results. I should have insisted on this hysteroscopy – and I would have known that my pregnancies would all have been at risk. I could have taken more precautions, been monitored more closely and maybe, just maybe, not have had 3 miscarriages this year.

If you have a miscarriage, just be aware that this could be one of the reasons. I am almost 40 years old, and not only is my age a factor in my lack of children, but now this as well.

Today this sounded like the end of the road to me, but knowledge is power. I am a fighter, and I don’t easily give up. This is just one more obstacle to overcome on the road to becoming a mom.